In the beginning we were whole
and perfect. Shit happened. Many difficult things that created stress and fear
and caused us to shut down. We were wounded, invalidated, and abused in
hundreds or thousands of ways. Good things happened too, but we will get there
further on. A friend describes this pain as a tightening in her neck, choking
her off from her body, her feelings, and her truth. I can relate. It seems like
I moved out of my body and into my head when I was young and got stuck there.
A common saying in recovery programs
is "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" because it is so true for many
us. What are recovery people working to recover from? Not talking, trusting, or feeling! This
saying also explains how we are cut off from our bodies and our truth. Breath
comes from the chest and carries our words, so choking stops both talking and truth.
Trust is as much, if not more a
feeling as an idea, so also has its home in the body, and is lost as we live
solely from intellect. Emotions are felt very powerfully in the body, so much
of our feeling life is lost with our body
connection. The situation engenders another recovery saying "think
is our drink," for it is as if our minds swell up and become our whole world
as the body withers away and dies out.
Compulsive thinking became my "go
to", and "set point" like a thermostat setting, with habitual
thinking pulling me back automatically. It can take a lot of hard work to move
that setting, but it is well worth it. Thinking Has been revered and glorified
in many cultures for centuries. Rodin's sculpture "the Thinker" is also
a good example as he peers down into the suffering through the gates of hell.
Descartes' "I think,
therefore I am" expresses a similar reverence for cognition, but my
favorite teacher Thich Nhat Hanh recognizes how we get lost in thinking and
translates it to "I think, therefore I am not here"! Another way I
understand this, is the mind can be brilliant and come up with nuclear power,
or clever and come up with nuclear bombs.
Much more is lost than we
realize, for in the body is our heart, and within the heart our often wounded
inner child yearning for acceptance, attention, affection, approval, and
appreciation. The inner child is also the home of our joy, love, beauty,
energy, and creativity, which is also lost. This is part of our true self, so a
false self is created to cope with the split and resulting denial, dysfunction,
and loneliness.
Children live naturally in the
moment, laughing to tears one moment, sobbing the next, and then laughing and
smiling again moments later. Children are also very authentic, as they will often
say just what they think and feel at anytime. They usually know their truth and
express it without reserve. This is true unless spontaneity is squeezed out of
them as evidenced by sayings such as "children should be seen and not
heard" and "big boys don't cry".
Another problematic situation we
all face is dependence on what others think. It is all too easy to rely on what
others think we should do, be, and have. Ralph Waldo Emerson has a great understanding of this in his writing called
Self Reliance; “It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it
is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the
midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”
Part of this is tendency towards
separation is natural as we have two eyes and ears to separate one thing from
another and create a world of forms and sounds distinctive from the self. The
problem is when this goes too far and a selfish and egotistical reality arises.
Perhaps this is worsened by the western cultures emphasis on taking care of
ourselves, by ourselves. The breakdown of primary and extended families also
plays a role as families are fractured by divorce and distance.
A tendency towards fear and
negativity is also a part of our nature, as in ancient times those who were
attuned to dangers and threats had a better chance for survival. However days
in the jungle and on the savannah have passed for us now, so we are wiser to
create communities rather than fortresses. It can seem as if others in the
family, workplace, roads and other places are out to get us, but coming from a
deeper place of peace we are better able to build bridges between us rather than
burn them.
Fear can be a powerful motivator
if we know punishment is imminent for certain behaviors. The problem is it also
puts us into victim mode and throws a cloud of fear over whatever it is we are
trying to accomplish. A racing buddy of
mine said that you must look where you want to go, and not where you don't. If
you focus on the obstacle it sucks you in. Rather look for the opening and
opportunity and let that pull you through.
A popular quote by William Hutchison
Murray states this as; “Until
one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always
ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one
elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid
plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves
too.
All
sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A
whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all
manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no
man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream
you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it
now.”
Power is another subject that
deserves note, as we often mistake power over others for real power, but real
power is when we have control over our disparate selves and selfish desires.
This true power, from a Higher Power,
the power of the universe, "The Force", or whatever you prefer to
call it, works with all the creativity, wisdom, and brilliance of creation, to
synergistically and exponentially transform us and our world. We may then
discover a "power with" rather than over.
Perhaps the worst part is we also
lose our connection with the infinite love, and wisdom of a Higher Power and
presence that resides in the seat of the soul, pre-verbally at a gut level as
intuition and ultimate truth. This all important connection was lost as we put others
first, ourselves second, and Higher Power last. How lonely, frightening,
defeating, and exhausting that can become many of us know intimately. Others
live in denial, rarely if ever acknowledging the depth of this vital and
empowering relationship and union.
When people or things over power
and hurt us we unfortunately tend to either overlay our image of God as our
abuser, or become angry with God for not saving us from pain and suffering. I
have seen this many times in people that were seriously abused and is usually
very hard to overcome and re-imagine. I somehow fell into this trap as a
teenager. I used to say I believed in good rather than God. I later learned the
word God is actually derived from the word good.
It seemed I had somehow lost God,
but it was actually me that was lost. I found God again through nature. In
particular through the book Original Blessing, that told how in ancient times
everything was sacred; the sun, moon, and stars, the sky, earth, and waters, and
all plants, animals, and other life. Everything was and is holy. Life is the
most magnificent and incredible blessing, and its abundance, diversity, and
tenacity simply amazing. This was my first homecoming. I now see Gods beauty through
nature in particular, but also in buildings, planes, boats, cars and all of our
other inspired creations. The arts of course are a prime example, as divine
beauty is obvious in songs, dances, symphonies, paintings, sculptures,
literature, and other artistic endeavors.
Kyle Cease teaches that powerless
people say that things happen "to" them. Others take credit and say
things are done "by" them. The wisest realize that things happen
"through" them, from a Higher Power and presence. This is the key to
divine inspiration. When we finally manage to get plugged into Higher Power and
become a conduit for all of its power, presence, intelligence, and love, peace,
joy, and beauty to let its light shine
through us.
Again I must quote the great
master Ralph Waldo Emerson, this time from The Over-Soul; "The Supreme Critic on the errors of the past and the present,
and the only prophet of that which must be, is that great nature in which we
rest, as the earth lies in the soft arms of the atmosphere; that Unity, that
Over-soul, within which every man's particular being is contained and made one
with all other; that common heart, of which all sincere conversation is the
worship, to which all right action is submission; that overpowering reality
which confutes our tricks and talents, and constrains everyone to pass for what
he is, and to speak from his character, and not from his tongue, and which
evermore tends to pass into our thought and hand, and become wisdom, and
virtue, and power, and beauty. We live in succession, in division, in parts, in
particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal
beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related; the eternal
ONE."
As mentioned earlier a Higher Power gives us
access to a higher calling and law, and own higher powers. In eastern
traditions these are the "Infinite Qualities" of loving kindness,
compassion, empathetic joy, equanimity, and the "Perfections" of
generosity, morality, patience, diligence, awareness, wisdom, skillful means,
determination, spiritual power, knowledge, honesty, and discipline. Christian
thinking names these as wisdom, fairness, discipline, courage, faith, hope, and
love. I like to call these "Super Powers", as western super heroes
are often embodiments of these most worthy virtues, and worthy of heroic
attempts to live them through our individual and collective lives.
These virtues allow us to see and
give the best of ourselves to others, our world, and to ourselves. Self care is
so very important but so easily forgotten. Not a selfish focus at the expense
of others, rather building a loving, caring, and kind disposition from the
inside out. It is all too easy to berate and belittle ourselves, especially if
that is what we heard growing up. That critical voice can become internalized
until we believe it is the truth. It may take years to change, but it is time
well spent. Pema Chodron the "rock star nun" says "There is
nothing more important on our spiritual path than developing gentleness towards
oneself".
The sad truth is that the job of advertising is to make us
feel "less than." Only then will we believe we need more, better,
faster, stronger, prettier, and on, and on, and on. If we are whole and perfect
as is, we are inoculated against rampant consumerism and all that that entails.
As an older American I have seen this play out over decades in my life and in
others lives near and far. We are the fattest, sickest, most stressed out
nation on earth despite and because of our wealth. Thank God, times are changing.
In the past I ran myself ragged
trying to build up the perfect little kingdom of what I thought I "should"
do, have, and be. I worked and played too hard, smoked and drank, drove too
fast, ate a bad diet, and didn't get enough rest. Does this sound familiar? I
wasn't my own worst enemy, but I wasn't much of a friend to myself either.
Nowadays I take lots of naps, eat well, get regular exercise and good rest, and
take vacations and days off to relax and recharge. The key is to consider how
you would treat a family member, friend or pet. Is that how you treat yourself,
or do you deserve better?
The benevolence that brought the
cosmos into being and brought life to appear in its amazing complexity,
abundance, and beauty, and the incredible drama of human events to unfold is a
blessing beyond belief. Considering this, it seems obvious to me that there is
an undercurrent and over-riding sense of basic goodness. Some will disagree and
say that creation, life, and people are basically flawed and "bad"
with original sin etc., but I disagree. I find the ground of being is extremely
favorable.
This basic goodness however, is
also easy to overlook and forget. Daily life can be irritating, annoying, and
downright difficult even on good days. Besides, at times we all must face loss,
illness, and death for ourselves and others. Yet if we really take the time to
count our blessings, we find they far outnumber and outweigh our
"curses". Another of my teachers, Chogyam Trungpa, considers basic
goodness to be the most important of all aspects of life and consciousness, and
practicing it is the best use of our energies and efforts.
Practicing basic good can be very
fulfilling and rewarding as we look for the good in life, and all the things we
can be thankful for. Taking this to task and to heart we can make playlists of
moving music, create photo albums of beauty, passions, favorite places and
things, as well as family and friends to refer to at any time. The key is to
choose the direction of our focus. Do we want to be downcast and heavy-hearted,
or upbeat and light hearted? The choice is ours, and basic goodness is always a
good way to get there.
Images can be very helpful to
understand what may be somewhat foreign concepts like these. The inner or
spiritual aspect can be seen as the alternative to outer physical or worldly
position. There is a great saying for this; "living from the inside out".
Eckhart Tolle clarifies this simply by advising "Inner reality is primary,
outer is secondary". Another image
from Thich Nhat Hanh is of a tree swaying and twisting in a great storm, yet
the trunk and the roots stand firm and still. This depth, this stillness is
always available to us, should we have the presence of mind and body to realize
and manifest it.
We may also imagine this as our
conscious and unconscious, as the depths of the True Self goes deep past what
we could ever fully realize or express. Eastern wisdom calls it store
consciousness, a vast storehouse of seeds ready to arise and flourish given the
nurturing of our attention. In this depth are also seeds we might consider
negative such as fear, anger, and others, yet these also hold very valuable information
and energy.
Fear tells us there is danger we
need to be aware of, or perhaps there is old business coming up such as
physical or mental sufferings. Anger may tell us injustices or abuse are
present or coming and empower us to speak up and act. Jealousy can indicate
where we have hidden or denied desires so that we may acknowledge and accept
them. Depression often hides other deep emotions such as abandonment, rage, lack
of affection, or other pain.
Recognizing the power and
potential of these "bad" feelings and emotions we may become inspired
to investigate and explore them that they may be held up to the light of
awareness and understanding to undergo transcendence and transformation. If we
use attention on these difficulties to further entrench our opinions and
grievances our situation is worsened. We must find the right balance of
attention, compassion, and understanding to overcome and transform them.
Thich Nhat Hanh also says we need
good circulation, that if we lock these energies out like unwanted guests in
the basement (or in the attic or outside) they will fester, gain power, and
break in other, yet worse ways like (or
as) festering illnesses. We must let them in and hold them, as a parent
would a sick, hurt, or tired child by cradling and comforting them so they know
they are cared for and important. My image for this is a bus, and everyone gets
to ride, but there are two to a seat, and each one cares for its mate however
virtuous or difficult.
Consider this poem by Rumi; "This being human is a guest
house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some
momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them
all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty
of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out
for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the
door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes. Because each
has been sent as a guide from beyond".
The image of a devil on one
shoulder and an angel on the other is also somewhat accurate. Unfortunately the
"still small voice" of our better self can be hard to hear over the
clamor and confusion of modern life. We do need to listen to both, as both have
valuable information and energy for us. Unfortunately taking the time to rest,
relax, and listen to the still, small voice is a skill many have lost, and at
great cost. We are very wise to nurture this quieter, kinder, gentler side and
cultivate its input.
Another strength of mind over
heart is how clever, smart, and convincing it is, even when it is not really in
our best interests. The logic and reasoning can be very powerful and talk us
into, or out of, many things. The book "The War of Art" lists more
than thirty ways the mind tries to play tricks on us to kill our muse and
defeat our goodness. The power of the heart is too often overlooked and scoffed
at in modern times as the powers of the intellect took precedence and became
over-rated.
Tolle also illuminates the power of this shift by imagining
stepping out of ourselves, our lives, and our thoughts, beliefs, and opinions
as an observer. We then can see how we usually take ourselves and our life
situation so seriously, so personally, and may instead laugh at ourselves as we
would observing the antics of a child. It is hard to illuminate just how
powerful this concept can be, except to say it is, all by itself a life
changer.
Relationships easily become poisoned and dysfunctional due to the
split from our deep and true selves, as we try time and again to communicate
and bond with others through false and wounded selves. We are in fact doomed to
try and repair this rift by choosing people and situations the least likely and
capable of healing until we make the shift first from within to reintegrate our
disparate selves, and Higher Power. Only then can we come from a better place
and find the true love, joy, peace, and beauty we all need and deserve.
This story started with truth,
and with our loss of our truth, inner child, loving inner parent/adult, and
Higher Power. We lost ourselves, our True Self. I capitalize the name as it is
our proper name and proper self. A false self was created to deal
with the split, stress, and denial that we have been struggling with ever
since. Call it ego, insanity, dysfunction, or pain body, it is the same, and is
not who we really
are. The real person in us is all of these and much more. It is all creation,
all intelligence, all power and presence integrated into one whole and complete
being.
I can imagine no better way to
express this than a quote from Maryanne Williamson: ”Our deepest fear is not that
we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It
is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who
am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not
to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel
insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to
make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others".
The dis-ease of separation effected
by the split within ourselves between body and mind, head, heart, and soul, and
the differing aspects of our true nature (child/adult, true/false, etc) and our
connection with others, nature, and Higher Power shatters us like glass, or perhaps
more accurately a puzzle, as there is always the promise of becoming whole
again. The need becomes obvious when we see that the words health and holiness
are also expressions of the word wholeness, for when our brokenness and
isolation get the best of us illness and suffering are sure to follow.
Perhaps the image of a puzzle may
come up short as some parts may seem to be lost forever, and some we don't want
back. Instead our life can become a quilt, as we take the pieces of our lives,
some brightly colored and new, others with patterns and images, some tattered
and faded, and stitch them together into a new creation ever more beautiful and
interesting than its separate parts. We can wrap it around ourselves and hold
it tight for warmth and comfort in times of trouble.
Another way I imagine this mix up
of life priorities, is by writing the word "ME" on a piece of glass.
If you turn the glass upside down it says "WE". That's how I was living;
upside down. "WE" is where we all started, one with our parents, and
all creation. Our lives got messed up in a thousand ways, and the survival
skills we learned got us through, but it is time for changes, and time to turn
this life around.
All of these aspects of
reclaiming our bodies, feelings, and emotions, and inner child, adult, True
Self, Higher Power, and other disparate selves are long overdue. In fact we
have been hiding from them, denying them, and running away from them most of
our lives. Beyond that we develop a multitude of distractions and addictions to
cope with the losses. We shop, work, exercise, eat, smoke, drink, to numb the
pain and fool ourselves.
Obsessing on sports, entertainment, video games,
television and the internet are a few ways we avoid looking at the wounds and
working to heal them. It is natural for us to want to
hold onto our old, familiar, comfortable ways. Unfortunately, even if those
ways are not really good for us, perhaps dysfunctional, painful, and sick. Even
people who are actively and aggressively abused cling to their abusers physically
and emotional when freedom is given. Change can be very difficult, even when it
is for the better.
Change is rarely fast, easy, or
painless, as it could take decades of hard painful work to make significant
progress, but it is well worth it. You are
worth it. I believe the survival of humanity and much of life on earth are at
stake, but I truly believe our only chance to turn the tide is through this
process of reclaiming our whole and true selves first and foremost. Otherwise all
our efforts and actions will be poisoned by our dysfunctional personal thinking
and actions.
Hopefully these images and ideas
have illuminated and empowered the why
of going inward and getting back into our bodies. Actually it can take years to
truly understand and feel the immense value of inner child, true self, and loving
inner parent/adult and Higher Power, but it is time well spent. I can certainly
tell you that for me, it has been the most important thing. I was shut down
emotionally and developed many dysfunctional survival traits, and unable to
establish intimate and loving relationships. I now live a full and abundant
life, peacefully, lovingly, joyfully, and beautifully.
If this is resonating for you and
stirring up feelings and emotions lost long ago, it begs the question of how we
may come back to our inner child, true self, and loving inner parent or adult
and Higher Power? The answer is simple, but
may not be easy, depending on how entrenched we are in our storyline,
pain, and loss. The miracle and magic is that they are just a breath away;
preferably a long, deep belly breath, as breath comes from the head and goes to
the heart, as well as to our center, wherein lies our real center, source, and
soul.
Yes, it is possible to breathe
life back into our heart and soul, and inspire the body to feel again.
Inspiration is in fact defined as inhaling, to stimulate, and to feel
something, especially something creative. It is not only possible, but the most
important thing we ever do because it is not possible to experience inner child, true self, or loving inner parent/adult
and Higher Power only through the mind. For without the body, heart and soul,
and the infinite wisdom, power, and presence of true love, peace, joy, beauty,
and all the other immeasurable qualities we are flying on autopilot, virtual
zombies.
What is the how of this epiphany and transformation, this breath of life? The
first step is a shift back from brain to body, and from mind to soul as we move
from thinking to feeling, and to perceiving,
as perception is also pre-verbal like the body, inner child, and Higher Power.
The breath is an experience and
although thoughts about it may follow,
it is not a thought. Other experiences such as sounds, sight, a breeze, or the
weight of our body can aid us as well.
The bottom line and instruction
is to bore the mind into submission as perception overcomes thought. I often use
a mantra of "rest" on one breath, and "ing" on the next to
give a very simple cue to the mind where
I want go. This not only refers to the body resting, but the mind and all the
cares and concerns wrapped up with it. Work worries? "Rest-ing".
Money problems,? "Rest-ing". Future? Past? "Rest-ing". I
get back to those soon enough. This is the time for resting and communion with
the ultimate, the infinite, the immeasurable.
I do often take a few minutes to
let the cacophony of chaos that goes on in my head die down before I try to
make the shift, but even those thoughts I gently let go. It may take quite some
time dropping the thoughts that come up and focusing on perception of breath
and other sensations before the shift occurs for you, but you will know. Many
believe that this should be done sitting upright so as not to fall asleep, and
that is good advice as we learn to " just be" and to take the world less seriously. I also
use this method to fall asleep, as it works great for that too.
Another valuable aspect of
meditation is understanding the phases or levels. One is "calm
abiding" where we let thoughts go and tune into perception as outlined
briefly above, and the other is "insight" meditation where we sit
with feelings, emotions, ideas, opinions, and beliefs and so on. Here we see
what lessons we might learn from simply being with them non-judgmentally, in
full acceptance, caring, and concern. Here we seek to not hold tightly, or too
loosely, yet close enough to hear them out.
This time spent in prayer and
meditation with our perfect inner child, loving inner parent and adult, true
self, Higher Power, and super powers of love, compassion, forgiveness, joy,
beauty and many others is important, perhaps the most important thing we do. I like to imagine these and all the
"super powers" with letters in bold italics thousands of feet high
across the horizon just to remind myself how important they are. This is
infinite and absolute safety, happiness, and comfort unavailable in any other
way. For my lost boy, my prodigal son, this is my homecoming, my freedom, and
my salvation. it can be yours too. Welcome back! Welcome home!
Copyrights 11/17